Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version) - Frank Zappa My name is Swaggart
I am an asshole
All my friends,
They call me "Jim"
(Hi, Jim!) I'm from Louisiana,
I make lots of money, But I fucked up And commited a sin
Come out here to Californy, Just to find me Some pretty girls (No shit!) The ones I seen Gets me so horny; Ruby lips, 'N teeth like pearls! Wanna love 'em all! In the name of Jesus! Wanna pretty girl – I'll even pay! I'll buy 'em furs! I'll buy 'em jewelry! I'll never fuck them; Here's what I say:
I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Speakin' atcha!) I only give 'em the tips of him! (Posin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here prostitute…
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey Yodel-oh-oo-pee! (He's lonesome Cowboy Jim Look at the tip of him!)
Come on in this place, 'N I'll buy you a taste, You can sit on my face – Where's my prostitute/waitress?
I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say) I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah) I'm a preacher by trade, Quite a bundle like me, And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble Son-of-a-gun!
(He's a unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun!)
Fill in the blank! When I get off, I get, When I get off, I get, When… I, I, I, I, And then, Sharkey says: When I get off (pfft!)
I get sinful (Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on)
I spoo Till I goo
On the rug
Then I find me Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann—, Louisiana style prostitute And make her do pornographic stunts while I watch
And I have So much fun Jay-zus! Jay-zus!
(Pornographic stunts and I have so much fun)
(What?)
I huff And I puff
(Hratche-plche Hratche-plche) And I pump up my sanctified erection
Till my cheeks
Puff up
An' turn red
Along with my neck (Say, varmint!) I drool
On my shirt
Takes a little while before I squirt
But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet UH-OH! Made a mistake this time! Now I've sinned
Everybody! (What an asshole!) Made a mistake and I sinned, uh! Made a mistake and I sinned, ow! Made a mistake and I sinned, what? Made a mistake and I sinned
Lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Sinnin' atcha!)
Come smell this fringe-y shirt! (Grinnin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here prostitute…
BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat) (Oh, tune me in now) Come on in this place, An' I'll buy you a taste, 'N you can sit on my face – Where's my prostitute?
BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat) (Oh, tune me in now) Come on in this place, An' I'll buy you a taste, 'N you can sit on my face – Where's my prostitute?
